THE 'BREASTIFICATION' OF WOMEN

Definition: female endowment of the chest: she was blessed with impressive breastification.

I’m one of those lucky/unlucky females that are more than naturally endowed. Starting back in my teenage – hood, I realized my boobs were entering classrooms a few milliseconds before I was! It wasn’t the most comfortable feeling I’ll tell you. Those hormone-hopping high school boys leered and jeered.

I was a swimmer, long distance at that. Ever tried to put a set of 14-year-old double D’s in a racer-back Speedo? I had to adjust my stroke to the extra curvature of my upper body. Shoulders of steel to hoist the girls, let me tell you!

Now after children, breastfeeding, aging, and gravity – I’m at a loss to understand who in the heck enjoys Breastification!

Have you ever had to search for a comfortable, easy-to-wear bra when you are an overly well-endowed woman? Not fun! Not fun at all! Underwires support and lift, and then the wires pop through and spear your armpit. Less support and you end up with side boobs popping out, never-ending strap marks on your shoulders from the weight they carry around, and exhaustion in your lower back from trying to support and balance your body.

Watching the models on the runways that weigh less than a sparrow, but have boobs that are rock-hard and overly large for their frames just makes me shake my head.

I remember how cool I thought halter tops were when I was younger. The weight however ended up distributed right from the base of your neck! Boy, it was a blessing stripping off and just finding a comfortable position in bed to relieve the tension they caused. ALL IN THE NAME OF FASHION – THEY SAY!

I can’t tell you how happy I was when Dove came out with Body positive soap bottles. They had a marketing edge like no other. If Dove soap said that all shapes were ok, then….all shapes were ok. Playing to your subconscious they created containers in every imaginable body shape. Their advertisements didn’t use Twiggy-shaped models, they used real people. But that was my soap, not my bra.

Over the years I have had bras custom fit, they were fabulous until you gained or lost a few pounds. I’ve tried every big brand name, cheap to expensive. Just lately I actually ordered a new style of bra online. I’ve heard horror stories, but I went for it anyway.

In the recent past, I’ve likely never spent less than $60-70 dollars for a single bra! Robbery at its finest! This time an ad came across my social media. (They know how to get you to don’t they?) The comments were good, but how many of those are true? The price was fantastic, but only if they fit and are comfortable.

I fell for it. I ordered. And guess what, even more, if you ordered 3 at a time they were, like less than 15 dollars each. Unbelievable! Well, today I received a package in the mail. The bras. 3 beautiful lightweight new-age material bras with front closures. They look awesome! A beautiful dark cherry red color that I think is ultra sexy. Have I tried them on yet? No way! I just want to look at them for a bit. Savor the notion that the comfort level will be out of this world. My girls are finally going to feel loved and secure. My shoulders will cease to crease, my back will thank me and I’ll feel young and beautiful again!

Cut the crap will ya’ Bernie! The cups look too small, they are as flimsy as hell, and God only knows how hard it’s going to be to get those girls in there, find those front closure hooks, and start the day.

I am simply not going to try them on today. I feel I need to live the dream for a bit longer. Just looking at them, thinking about the good – before I realize the bad. Maybe tomorrow morning, at the break of dawn, I’ll get up the nerve to see just how much of a folly I’m into and try one on. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll tell you what I think of them….maybe. Breastification – Bah Humbug!

Yet if you ask how I’m doing, I just know I’ll tell you…..

I’m wonderful – Why not!